Mantras Will Ease and Simplify Planning Discussions

Estate planning is about death and taxes. Can you imagine having a discussion that's more fraught with the great "yucks" of life?

However, those two "yucks" are certain to happen, as the saying goes. Since we well know that death can arrive much sooner than we'd like, plan for it so you or those you love the most can better handle it when it gets here.

Create a mission statement that guides you through this planning. My mom and I had a mission statement while we were planning my wedding. It was: "we're not doing anything that isn't fun." We dropped some ideas and contractors who didn't fit the mantra. It simplified everything.

Take the common worry that two parents could die together. It happens. If you're talking to your spouse or S.O. about who would take care of the kids in this scenario, repeat this mantra: "We will give our children the best shot at a happy life". The mantra will keep emotions tamped down. What type of emotions? Hurt --like when you're explaining to your wife that, while her brother is a good guy, he is not the best person to select. Or perceived insult -- when you pick one person to love and care for the children but place the management of their (your) assets into another person's hands. But if it's the best thing for the kids, do it. After the would-be guardians and trustees agree to their roles, memorialize them in your will and be happy that you've sent up the best situation possible.

Another scenario is that of a middle-aged person trying to convince his elderly parents of the importance of planning. Here, too, a mantra is needed: "Our goal is to control this process so that laws, doctors, judges, and taxes don't control it." Yeah, talking about the merits of a respirator or feeding tube is depressing. Yeah, assets may seem too small to protect. Yes, siblings disagree over who should get certain possessions. But only those same elderly folks are entitled to make those decisions. After permanent incapacitation or death, in the absence of such decisions, a bunch of strangers can make them. "Our goal is to control this process as a family." Tell that to your parents. If they categorically refuse to discuss such things, get them to sign a financial and medical power of attorney that allows you to make these decisions. At least they'll be alive, and you can consult with them (if you want to).

Organizing principles work.